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"Oprah, Pick Me!" Beseech Jersey Manses Vying For Attention

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Oprah Winfrey decided to celebrate the launch of her new O Network with a little present to herself: a grand estate in the NYC 'burbs. The TV talk show top dog, whose personal wealth hovers near $3B, was recently spotted touring a $68M estate in posh, celeb-heavy Alpine, N.J. The palatial palace, with 20 bedrooms and more than 30,000 square feet, just seemed more like a hotel than a cozy pad. So we decided to give Ms. Winfrey some an assortment of far more stereotypically "Jersey" options. You know, help her fit into the 'hood. After the jump: five pads to remind her how the other half of the top 1 percent lives.

Location: Alpine, N.J. | Price: $14,900,000 | Stats: 7BR, 9.5BA (above)
Just down the road from Oprah's favored house-hunting ground, this architectural wonder features some truly "new"-looking brick. Should the stress of running a media empire get to the Big O, she'll have plenty of relaxing distractions, including a kidney-shaped swimming pool, screening room, and basement bowling alley with authentic '70s-era fixtures.

Location: Long Beach Township, N.J. | Price: $14,995,000 | Stats: 8BR, 6BA (above)
This '80s "white house," claims the listing, is just like the real thing—except "without the angst and with a bulletproof dune." We can't speak to the qualities of New Jersey's fine beaches, but ever since Oprah's Christmas at the White House Special last year, we can't help but think she's jonesing for a 1600 Pennsylvania doppelgänger. Too bad this isn't it.

Location: Englewood, N.J. | Price: $15,900,000 | Stats: 8BR, 10BA (above)
This nouveau French chateau is located just eight miles from Manhattan, but it feels a continent—no, make that a world—away. Not many townhouses can boast the acreage or amenities of this place. Taking full advantage of the suburban surroundings are a swimming pool, basketball court, tennis court, and putting/chipping green.

Location: Longport, N.J. | Price: $17,900,000 | Stats: 8BR, 10BA (above)
The Long Beach White House isn't the only Jersey mansion trying to work a vague presidential connection. The listing for this oceanfront abode warns: "Act now, before the Kennedys find out!" Now, the Kennedy compound in Hyannis Port, Mass., might not have a two-story great room or overgrown Federal-style headboards, but we're thinking there's a bit too much history there for the Camelot cadre to decamp to Longport, of all places. But that just means less competition for O and her entourage.

Location: Saddle River, NJ | Price: $24,500,000 | Stats: 6BR, 10BA
Finally, this $25M, five-acre property up in Saddle River could stand a chance of finding a buyer. It went to market five months ago at the same staggering price, but hasn't found a tall multimillionaire. Even the bathroom has 20-foot ceilings! More fitting for the 5'6'' Oprah are the six garage bays, perfect for her fleet of dark SUVs.

· Alpine [Sotheby's]
· Long Beach Township [Zillow]
· Englewood [Sotheby's]
· Longport [Zillow]
· Saddle River [ColdwellBanker]
· Merry Christmas Real Estate Brokers: Here Comes Oprah! [Curbed NY]
· Watch Oprah's Christmas at the White House Special [Oprah.com]