Recently news broke that raven-haired Jersey Shore castmates Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and Jenni "JWOWW" Farley made an appointment to tour a house in East Setauket, N.Y., on Long Island's North Shore. Or, well, at least according to listing agent Linda Hickey, who claims the girls were scheduled to view a $1.595M pad with a 20-by-44-foot saltwater pool, five presumably smush-worthy bedrooms, and a 750-gallon indoor fish tank. (Aquariums! How trendy, ladies!) While JWOWW has denied allegations of house hunting via Twitter, we took the liberty of investigating said potential new party house; the 1999 Colonial is located within a three-mile radius of five elementary schools and within a 15-mile radius of more than a few of the region's famed wineries. A word of advice to the residents of East Setauket: batten down the hatches, hide your children.