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IKEA's Personality Quiz Decodes Human Race

Who do you think you are? No—really. Let's guess: some middle-grayish lineup of "complexities" and "inconsistencies" that allows you to proudly declare your love of totally incongruous things: wearing Prada heels but liking sports, staying in on Sat. night but drunk-brunching it up on Sun. morn. Two words for ya: nuh-uh. IKEA's new Facebook quiz, "What kind of furniture are you?", proves once and for all that there are only five types of people walking this wide, wonderful globe—Babylon be damned! Our fave is the narcoleptic-slash-depressive who probably couldn't get his languished self out of bed for a meal—never mind for the task of choosing between a MALM and a VANVIK. Probably not what the PR team had in mind when they declared the quiz a cheery companion to the store's 2011 catalog.