Please welcome Josh Williams, who is recapping Season 4 of Bravo's Million Dollar Listing. And off he goes: Smiles everyone. Smiles! This time around, the million-dollar housing market woes are just a thing of the past and the gilded age has returned. There are crappy Los Angeles-area McMansions to be had! Old friends Madison Hildebrand and Josh Flagg are back, and we're introduced to Josh Altman. Let's get to it.
It's episode two of Million Dollar Listing. We're already hoping that Josh Altman is filmed with a football in every episode. So far, this season is off to a slow start—not enough Josh Flagg skeeviness or general broker bitchery. Let's hope there's a slap fight this episode!
Last night, Madison Hildebrand gets stuck with young Russian oligarch Ismir, who needs a pussy pad in the Hills that will bring in the ladies. As he states early on, he doesn't have time to furnish it or think about the design—he just needs a finished place for his "private events," which we take to mean orgies. Ismir is also concerned that Madison is "too nice" to do the hardscrabble negotiations necessary to get a home in the Hollywood Hills. Seriously! Come on, Madison. You need to carry a football around like Josh Altman and work on your douchebag face like Josh Flagg. You're in over your head. Time to shank someone to prove how hardcore you are. Instead, Madison announces that he likes to "kill them with kindness." Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Madison first takes Ismir to a home at 7201 Woodrow Wilson Drive, which was videotaped and put on YouTube by listing agent Burt Bakman. (Also, please feel free to watch Burt's YouTube video diaries, which he films as he drives around town. That's safe.) The 4,765-square-foot home features five beds and five baths, a play room, and great views of the city. However, there is no "wow" factor, so Ismir takes a pass. Burt takes Madison and Ismir to a pocket listing around the corner that brings Ismir to exclaim "sexy!" at one point. The home at 2508 N. Vermont Ave in Los Feliz was purchased by Jamie Kennedy in 2007 according to the the Real Estalker, and features 2,342 square feet, three bedrooms, and 3.5 baths. The home is listed at $2.5M. As part of the tour, Burt takes Ismir to the garage, where Ismir's eyes bug out at the site of a gleaming, white Shelby Cobra (which Jamie Kennedy just so happened to be photographed driving.) Ismir wants Jamie Kennedy's house and his car. Jamie Kennedy is so dead. Next week, we find out if Ismir gets the house/car combo and if Jamie Kennedy's body is found in a suitcase.