This month's Esquire has a full feature devoted to interior design for men—and we're not talkin' man caves, people. We're talkin' sleek, stylish, sophisticated spaces with nary a a trace of the NFL store to be found. Want to achieve that whole "man at his best" look (with or without buying the entire Esquire Home Collection)? Heed the advice of the following humanoids:
Nate Berkus, celebrity decorator and host of The Nate Berkus Show:
· Buy an L-shaped couch that's low-slung and tufted, preferably. Also acceptable: a tuxedo-style sofa. It just sounds manly.
· Definitely get some piece with star power. Name-dropping designers such as Milo Baughman and Ludwig Mies van der Rohe is a manly must!
· Your coffee table must be a "raw piece of wood on iron base." Period.
· All futons must be removed immediately and replaced with a couch bed.
· You need one rug, and his name shall be sisal. (Or jute, sea grass, coir, or anything else tan-colored and natural.)
· "Try checking out books of European castles and English country houses to see how they divvied up their enormous rooms." Then, re-assert your manhood by pounding a Guinness.
· You've got two choices in life: facing the TV or facing your guests. Choose wisely.
Barry Sonnenfeld, film director/producer:
· Buy and use a heated toilet seat regularly: "Just when you are overwhelmed with life, full of tension, sciatic rage, and anger toward everyone, coping with everything going wrong and no one giving you a second thought, you plant yourself on the seat and are instantly engulfed in a warm, relaxing, embryonic welcome."
Ted Allen, one-time "food guy" on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy:
· "Instead of putting a giant, cock-blowing marshmallow in your living room, buy good armchairs with footstools; perfectly comfy, and the ottoman doubles as another seat."
· Have tabletops made of thick glass, stone, or tile. Manly and stain-resistant!
· If you do have a bar cart, use it to transport whiskey and only whiskey during a party.
Mary Alice Stephenson, TV personality:
· Do not throw a fur blanket just so on the bed. Particularly if it's still got the head on it.
· No silk or satin sheets, ever.
· This is not college—both a flat and a fitted sheet are a must.
· This is not college—wrap the white comforter in a duvet cover, please!
· Esquire [official site]
· All man caves coverage [Curbed National]
· Ten Commandments of Manhood: Lessons Taken from Esquire's Furniture [Curbed National]