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Moby's 10-Step Guide to Being a Fantastically Tortured Bachelor

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Today's New York Times pays its respects to Moby, who lives high in the Hollywood Hills in a mountaintop aerie that he bought for just under $4M about a year ago and has since invested an estimated $2M for renovations. His home is named Wolf's Lair—a moniker fitting not only for its first owner, developer L. Milton Wolf, but also because Moby's very existence reads like an illustrious text about how to be a phenomenal bachelor. Lesson No. 1: Stare out the window. If the ladies do like tortured souls—and we believe they do—here's a handy step-by-step guide for creating Moby's mystique at home:

10: Be a descendent of someone famous, like writer Herman Melville, and have a tragic family life that includes the premature death of at least one parent and some years spent in San Francisco.
9: In your late teens, after forming a band and getting a gig as a DJ, move into an abandoned factory with "no running water and no bathroom." Fondly recall the "free electricity so I could make music, and I was really happy."

8: Move into a $4.5M building on the Upper West Side of Manhattan but never, ever bring this up without also mentioning the crack-addict-owned dump where you lived before making it big. The two are forever inextricable.
7: Be sober—truly, fully sober. That said, always recall the days of "being hung over 48 hours after being drunk for six hours" and being "tragically notorious for always being the last person to leave the bar,” with a certain earnest, near-poetic reflection.
6: Move into a house across the street from the place where Aldous Huxley used to shoot pornos. Don't actually shoot pornos yourself—just soak in the lingering party vibe by osmosis.
5: Thy pool must be kidney-shaped.
4: Definitely have a hidden room that used to be a former tiki bar. Definitely.
3: Bring girls back, impress them with the view, but only make out with them—nothing more. Oh, and learn to say, "I’ll buy you the moon, baby" to them without laughing.
2: As a general rule of thumb, staunchly eschew any architecture "from 1945 on," making exceptions when there's a big name like John Lauter involved.
1: Go on a music tour and snap "lonely images" of "deserted cities in the middle of the night, empty tunnels, an office building at 4 a.m. when the cleaning crew has turned on the fluorescent lights." Thumb through them when people are over.

· A Castle for the King of Techno [NYT]
· Yes, Moby Says He's Trying to Buy Wolf's Lair [Curbed LA]