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Guy Lists Sad, Sorry Mattress for a Cool $1M on Craigslist

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If the world's first openly gay sofa was any indication, there is no end to the stream of earnest folks trying to pimp out their crappy old stuff on Craigslist. Now there's a person—a man, we're assuming from the Craigslist post—who's trying to sell off a queen-sized Serta Perfect Sleeper mattress for $1M. Crazy, right! Not so. Our unnamed friend explains: "I set the price at 1000000 because how can you put a price on the awesome dreams I've had on it? I've won the Roller Derby, rescued Scarlett Johansson from evil alien warlords and was named MVP in the Super Bowl of a sport I dreamed up called "RUMBLE BALL." If that isn't worth over a million bucks, I don't know what is." He then adds: "But hey- I'm a realist- I would be willing to knock something off the price if you're willing to come and pick it up. How about does $20 sound?" Ah, thy dreams—how quickly do they fall. (Editor's note: This is the best endorsement for Serta since Bill Clinton.)

· Queen Box Spring - $1000000 [Craigslist via Buzz Feed]
· Is this Sad, Slumped Mess the World's First Openly Gay Sofa? [Curbed National]
· Bill Clinton to Speak at Furnishings Conference [Curbed National]