Questlove, or ?uestLove (né Ahmir Khalib Thompson), is a pretty outspoken guy on Twitter and on his blog, which chronicles his many cool interactions with celebrities. Thanks to an eagle-eyed tipster, we were alerted to a written record of exactly how the record producer and Roots drummer feels about Will Smith's 22,000-square-foot mansion in the Santa Monica Mountains. Apparently Questlove visited the actor in 2006 and used an algorithm to determine its precise level of awesomeness: "my boy says you can judge the level of success someone has in hollywood by the amount of seconds it takes you to get from the gate of the entry to the actual house," he writes. "while doing 20mph it took 35 seconds." (Translation: high marks all around!) Questlove goes on to describe, in great detail, the property's epic amenities, editorializing where appropriate: "and jada actually has taste so will only gives props to his only inspiration in the world of balling ass cribs: eddie murphy." All righty then, shall we take a look?
(Editor's note: We didn't touch the manifesto below. All punctuation, etc., are exactly how Questlove wants it to be read.)
will provided me with two of the most amzingest stories of my career. y2k at the white house.
the last january week of 06 in his crib.
my boy says you can judge the level of success someone has in hollywood by the amount of seconds it takes you to get from the gate of the entry to the actual house.
while doing 20mph it took 35 seconds.
imma just do the point system.
drove through the jurassic park gates
passed 3 city blocks. with 15 brownstone per block.
--yes a REAL neighborhood.
was told they fly family out there for reunions and stuff. makes it easier.
so even to live in his BROWNSTONE is a life achievement...let alone HIS crib
he has a stadium in which he does sunday Bball games with his boys/crew
(yes a real stadium with referees and a scoreboard bleachers, lockerooms and concession stands)
you step in the house and you notice the floor is MADE OF BUTTER LEATHER
the whole time im asking him "are we allowed to...step on this?"
his housekeeper gives you orange juice only to realize its 3 days old. and it MUST BE FRESH SQUEEZED.
you joke (what you got a grove and workers in the backyard?) only for jada to open the door to reveal a grove and workers in the back yard.
the spice rack and its fungshui'd color coordination is so impressive and big you yourself say this is a life goal for you wanna reach....
not have this spice rack.
just live here.
in this room
IN THE SPICE RACK!
but that aint it!
see the thing about other hollywood mansions are people come with this mentality sorta like chris rock explained: you always got one bag packed like you know you gonna be thrown out anyday now ---or you have this idea that you "might" go broke.
but not will smith.
he says he waited 7 years to make his dream spot. and even then he regrets the largeness of it cause how in the world can his kids be grounded growing up in literally the best built house in california?
i mean it is.
i asked him how do other cribs rate....like i know white people dont like or are as concerned as "shinning" as we are. so thus whereas maybe a megamillionare like steve jobs or even bill gates might have a nice sound system in his house....he aint gonna have the swagger to ball all out and make a nightclub built by the top university for deaf students in which the speakers/woofers vibrate on the floor....thus FORCING YOU to dance....so based on the black celeb ballin factor---ball players dont really got "taste" and just get tacky shit (i can verify this), and aint no black actor in the top bracket to really go all out and ball. and jada actually has taste so will only gives props to his only inspiration in the world of balling ass cribs: eddie murphy.
naturally i asked "what about MJ?"
will laughed and said mike cheats: "anyone can build disneyland....i mean if i was a big kid and wanted a house full of every videogame and trinket then perhaps.....but as far as build and structure (EVERYTHING is hand made so it feels like bedrock) Will wins.
his movie theater? this SHIZZZZNIT
he even has a "ghetto kitchen" built like the set of good times (they have 80% of their meals in there....and once you sit in there for about 20 mins you really do think you are in a "regular" spot.
his studio is nicer than most
his gym is nicer than most
his art collection
all that shit sons anything beyond your wildest dreams....but this was the kicker that had me on some martin lawrence-seeing-eddies-bubble hill crib for the first time (mar started turning into a girl saying "ummm eddie can't you play more of your music? whuuuusup whuuusup whusssup with you?") was:
will: hey check this out (*grabs remote....presses a button....*then talks all normal like he aint about to change your life in less than 40 secs) yeah im really glad you like this house...alot of this art was handcrafted in africa when (35 seconds) i shot ali......even ali himself did this piece right here....
?: wow he is an artist (20 secs) too?
will: actually he was doodling on the table place napkins and i (15 secs) told him im taking this home to hang up....jada's mom has a balcony overlooking the living room on some queen of the castle shit...and over here.....ahmir?.....james?.....ahm (5...4...3....)
?: james?.............(*still standing in the SAME spot where the living room USED TO BE*).....james.....will.....um.......where did the walls just disappear to?.....and why are we suddenly outside?....how in blue hell did the walls just vanish like that and now we are friggin outside?