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Million Dollar Decorators, Ep. 1: Just the Best One-Liners

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Photos via Bravo

On last night's season two premiere of Million Dollar Decorators, Bravo's reality TV ode to high-end decorating and the folks who make it happen, Kathryn Ireland brought her kooky French housekeeper Jacqueline wine tasting in Santa Barbara, Martyn Lawrence Bullard flew to NYC to overhaul the dining room of longtime client Tamara Mellon, co-founder of Jimmy Choo, Mary McDonald tackled a two-bedroom guest house in Bel-Air, Calif., and Jeffrey Alan Marks didn't make much of an appearance save for an odd scene where he and partner Ross Cassidy mixed three bottles of wine together "because it tastes good." Paul Evans chairs worth $20K each made a cameo; a crazy crane scene put Manhattan's other crazy crane scene to shame. Here now, the best one-liners:

· Kathryn Ireland on budget: "I once said I would't get out of bed for less than a million dollars. But that doesn't mean I won't get in for a lot less."

· Martyn Lawrence Bullard on being at the top of his game: "I am one of the top designers in America. It's not just a job for me, it's the lifestyle I've created."

· Mary McDonald about the biz: "Who wouldn't love a job where you get to spend other peoples' money? Constantly? Endlessly?"

· Martyn on Tamara Mellon's Manhattan apartment: "This one was around $30 million dollars. And of course we've been spending quite a lot more decorating"

· Martyn on being daring: "There aren't many clients who would go along with black patent drapes. This is a actually big risk. But this dining room has to be the talk of the town. And now it's all on my shoulders."

· Mary on fickle clients: "It takes a special skill set to really understand this type of woman."

· Mary on grasscloth wall coverings: "Well the upside is she made a decision, and the downside is she made a decision for green."

· Mary on whether she's ever spent time in her guest room: "Yeah, but I probably was drunk and couldn't make it upstairs."

· Martyn on a 3,000-pound custom marble dining table: "It is so worth it, so worth the $50,000 it cost us to make it."

· Kathryn on reflexology: "God, I think this is almost better than sex! 'Cause you don't have to do anything."

· Martyn on lifting the 3,000-pound custom marble dining table by crane: "The idea of my incredibly expensive table possibly about to bang into a historic building in New York is freaking me out."

· Martyn on working with a construction crew: "I think these guys are still thinking I'm a bit crazy, but I don't care—they can think I'm as mad a matter so long as they do what I want."

· Million Dollar Decorators [official site]