Every episode of Law & Order is packed with all sorts of crazy plot twists and turns, and recently the real estate wheelings and dealings of the cast, both past and present, have taken a similarly tumultuous personality. As S. Epatha Merkerson calls her NYC co-op a "death trap" and Mariska Hargitay buys an entire townhouse, Christopher Meloni, AKA Elliot Stabler (or Roman Zimojic for True Blood fans), has been having such a hard time unloading one of his Manhattan homes that he's actually thrown in a "free" Porsche in attempts to sweeten the deal. And last year, the good detective took a loss on the sale of his place downtown.
Where will Meloni go to escape the mean streets of Manhattan and its brutal, take-no-prisoners real estate market? To the tony Fairfield County, apparently: according to the New York Post, he's just picked up Ridgecrest, a four-acre property in New Canaan, Conn. Built in 2006, the 8,000-square-foot home looks about as generic-new-build as it gets, with five bedrooms, a detached barn, and the brokerbabble's dubious claim that there are "extraordinary views to Manhattan"—although then again, it's sited on one of the highest elevations around. One thing's for sure: Meloni will have plenty of spare downtime in this leafy Connecticut idyll: in 2010, New Canaan had zero murders and zero rapes, and in July 2011 the town counted precisely one registered sex offender.