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13 Absurd Lines From NYMag's Spring Home Design Issue

While New York magazine's Spring Home Design issue doesn't officially hit newsstands until Monday, the pub has published an early taste of its signature offbeat content online. This season's theme is "The Design Gene," which means, basically, that design editor Wendy Goodman found creative ways to weave in family anecdotes, tales about wacky, artsy socialites, casual mentions of 20th-century aesthetic movements, and tours with artist Kathy Ruttenberg and aspiring architect Gabriel Calatrava. Some of the best quotes:

13. "The theme is animal art, as if the space had been conceived as a progressive kindergarten for nonhumans." [link]

12. "To ensure a uniform finish on the veneer, he bought an entire tree and had millworkers peel it like an orange." [link]

11. "It's very animal friendly: for dogs, cats, and Trixie the pot-bellied pig, shown [above] on the carpet by Nathalie Lete." [link]

10. "The centerpiece is Kathy's Serial Killer, a life-size ceramic girl on a very real tree limb [below left] spanning the mantelpiece.'" [link]

9. "The back rooms include yet more quirky ideas, from the Louis XV chair that Janet upholstered in bubble wrap [above right] for the kitchen to a full-length Elizabethan portrait of some dubious ancestor displayed in a bathtub." [link]

8. "'It would be pretentious to say Bauhaus, but, there, I said it.'" [link]

7. "As for the phallus [above right]? It's a massive antique marble Kashmiri lingam from the Nancy Wiener Gallery." [link]

6. "...none more complex than the twelve-foot tree man just inside the gallery entrance, with miniature girls hanging from his branches like victimized ornaments..." [link]

5. The dining room [below right] "hasn't changed much since the days of multicourse dinners for the likes of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor, Doris Duke, and Truman Capote." [link]

4. "'This is an East Village tenement railroad; we didn't want to rob it of its architectural integrity, whatever that means.'" [link]

3. "Waiting by the elevator is Kathy's wall lamp with a translucent blue head sprouting from a vagina." [link]

2. "Executed in a style that could be called High Apple, the transparent cube [above left] turns one of the townhouse's vestibules into a diorama and anyone who walks through the front door into a museum display." [link]

1. "'I am a fetishist when it comes to objects,' Michael Reynolds says." [link]

· The Design Gene: Spring Home Design 2013 [New York]
· All New York magazine coverage [Curbed National]