ABC Family's docu-series The Vineyard premiers tonight and although the producers have promised it will be nothing like MTV's Jersey Shore ("It's Disney, for God's sake"), not everyone is looking forward to Martha's Vineyard-meets-reality television. Two recent attempts to merge the Bay State and small screen "reality" have, as the Boston Globe's Matthew Gilbert points out, been "atrocious" (A&E's Southie Rules) and "hideous" (VH1's Wicked Single.) Will The Vineyard insult locals in a similar manner? According to Gilbert's review, pretty much. Here now, five of the best lines from (Spoiler Alert!) "Mannequins on the beach in The Vineyard:"
5. "I'm more concerned about how the show offends all human beings ever in the history of the world, and not just those on the Vineyard during the summer."
4."They spend plenty of time frolicking and posing on the beach as if they're in a glossy fashion shoot and drinking as if they're in a beer commercial."
3. "Not an ounce of fat makes an appearance on "The Vineyard," and if you're a fan of frizzies you will be sorely disappointed. This is a split-end-free zone."
2. "On some reality shows, the characters seem partly real and partly the creations of the director; on "The Vineyard," the characters seem almost entirely designed by the director, as if the cast members have been given extremely precise instructions."
1. "I just went to Thesaurus.com and searched for "repulsive," and right now I'm feeling overwhelmed by the number of appropriate choices I have to round out my final thoughts on "The Vineyard.""
· The Vineyard image [ABC Family]
· Mannequins on the beach in 'The Vineyard' [Boston Globe]
· 10 Things to Know About 'The Vineyard' Reality Show [Curbed Cape Cod]