The go-to source for Park City news, the Park Record, has the police blotter for the opening weekend of the Sundance Film Festival and dang, it's hilarious. There were your normal reports of loud music, parties, and drunken film fanatics blowing off steam in the street, but there was more. Let's just say police dealt with a goat, jock straps, and low-flying paragliders.
Jockstraps: The new Sundance fashion craze
"At 3:16 p.m., a man wearing a jock strap was seen somewhere along Main Street. The police classified the case as intoxication."
"At 1:12 p.m., a person was seen walking down the 600 block of Main Street wearing only a fur jock strap."
-Sure it's warm and sunny in Park City right now, but seriously, only a jock strap? And a fur one at that?
Eggs and BBQ: The new Sundance Green Eggs and Ham
"A vehicle was reported to have been vandalized with eggs and barbecue sauce on the 1400 block of Woodside Avenue. The police received the report at 2:58 p.m., but it was not clear from public police logs when the vandalism occurred."
-The vandalizing with eggs thing is just so passé. Barbecue sauce, that's what all the cool kids are causing damage with.
Oh, those Communists:
"At 1:14 p.m., the police received a complaint that someone was "yelling communist phrases out the windows" along the 600 block of Main Street. The person was also soliciting money, the police were told."
-Let us get this straight. A solicitor trying to get people to give up their hard-earned dollars by yelling communist phrases? Something tells us this is not going to work.
#SundanceProblems: The new #FirstWorldProblems
"At 3:42 p.m., the police received a complaint from the Eccles Center that a screening had been oversold and approximately 30 people needed to be removed. Some of them were upset, but the scene was not out of hand, the police were told."
-Watch out for angry cinephiles. They are the worst.
Only in Ski Towns, Only at Sundance:
"At 2:08 p.m., the police were told that a taxi driver along Main Street might have overcharged someone. The driver was rude, the police were told."
-Gosh darn those rude taxi drivers.
"At 11 a.m., the police received a report that a paraglider was flying low around Park City. The call was logged on Main Street."
-This doesn't happen in New York City?
"At 3:22 p.m., someone contacted the police complaining that a "droid helicopter" was being flown on the 500 block of Main Street."
-Actually, this one is kind of freaky.
"A goat was seen on a leash somewhere along Main Street at 1:55 p.m."
-Please tell us a celebrity dressed up a pet goat like it was Fluffy the chihuahua. Please.
· All Sundance 2014 Coverage [Curbed Ski]
· Police Blotter: the always-entertaining Sundance edition [Park Record]