Though spring has officially begun, the country's most fabulous lodge resorts remain in full-swing, serving up hunks of venison with hefty side orders of stuffed and mounted buffalo, wet carpets, and year-round Christmas trees. To add to the index of starter kits for beloved (if endearingly mockable) hotel tropes—an arsenal that includes hipster boutique stays, B&Bs, and ultra-modern offerings—here's the definitive guide to creating your own alpine oasis. Break open that bag of mini marshmallows and have a look.
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And now, in more detail...
1. First things first, a bison head to scare all the small children. It's also good for creating that coveted rugged look somewhere between the sushi bar and hot tub. [Photo by Tyler McKay via Shutterstock]
2. People in puffy vests. Bonus points if they look like they're in an L.L. Bean catalog. [Photo by Joshua Rainey Photography via Shutterstock]
3. Hot tub with room for 12. If you can't fit in at least 10 half-frozen strangers, what's the point? [Photo via If You Ski]
4. Unnecessary Mojave blankets, like the ones found at the Bentwood Ski Lodge in Jackson Hole, Wyo. [Photo via Bentwood's official site]
5. Awkward amounts of cowhide. Side note: who knew that this Google Image search page would be so robust? [Photo via Dover Bitch]
6. Log walls. Duh. Moving on. [Photo via Bentwood's official site]
7. An antler chair—the closest you can get to 100 percent antler, the better. Comfort is not a concern here. [Photo via Restoration Hardware]
8. Relatedly, this chandelier, spotted at the Park Hyatt Beaver Creek Resort & Spa in Colorado. [Photo via On the Snow]
9. A fireplace that could double as a residence for a family of four, like this one at Colorado's Devil's Thumb Ranch. [Photo via Devil's Thumb Ranch's official site]
10. The blissful phenomenon that is "ski in-ski out," a term meaning nobody needs to get into a car to get to the mountain. [Photo by YanLev via Shutterstock]
11. Distressed leather with nailhead detailing. So rustic. [Photo by Successo Images via Shutterstock]
12. Chairs made from skis, because—get it?—you ski here. [Photo via Scraphacker]
13. Wet carpets, particularly that spot you step in right after taking off your shoes. [Photo via Getty Images]
14. A sled-turned-coffee table for little bit of adaptive reuse somethin' somethin'. [Photo via Freshome]
15. Slippers, a savior in a minefield of wet carpets. [Photo by Andreas Saldavs via Shutterstock]
16. Slopes in the window reflections, like this beautiful spectacle in Montana. [Photo via Yellowstone Club's official site]
17. Beards! Almost as essential as the puffy vests—and same rules apply re: L.L. Bean catalog. [Photo by Sniegirova Mariiavia via Shutterstock]
18. Sheepskin throws on every chair. Why sit on a dining chair when you can lord over the world on a fluffy cloud? Think about it. [Photo via Alpine Luxury Chalets]
19. A Christmas tree. Fully decorated. Forever. [Photo via Getty Images]
20. Vaulted post-and-beam architecture. [Photo via Vermont Timber Works]
21. Santa, crying children optional. [Photo by Ollyy via Shutterstock]
22. Venison on the menu. Alternatively, 18 pounds of lamb. Wait, why isn't this on every hotel starter kit? [Photo by HL Photo via Shutterstock]
23. Mini marshmallows. Because how else are you going to bribe your kid into going to ski-wee camp? [Photo by An Nguyen via Shutterstock]
24. Overlarge shih-tzus? Yeti babies? Genius beanbag chairs? Furry marshmallows? No matter what these things over at the Courchevel Prestige Chalets are, so long as they are cuddlers. [Photo via Courchevel's official site]
· All Starter Kits [Curbed National]
· All Hotels Week 2014 posts [Curbed National]