Get Rover a Seaweed Body Wrap at the Poshest of Dog Hotels

↑ In field where a devotion to puns pretty much comes with the territory, LA's Barkley Pet Hotel has either the best or most groan-worthy wordplay game around. Canine guests can take the retail therapy route in the Rodeo Drive Storefront Suites, which have names like Fursace, Pucci, Pawda, Sniffany's, and Chewnel, or opt for a star-studded stay in the Hollywoof Boulevard Suites, which include Growlmans Chinese Theatre and Barclight Cinemas.

↑ Decorative indoor fire hydrants could fit in equally well in a posh doggie boarding house or a wacky startup office, and the Pooch Hotel of Sunnyvale, Calif. aims to bridge the gap between the two, offering "dotcom dogs" a "home away from home" with a "relaxed NoCal vibe."

↑ Sparing no expense in puppy pampering, the Hollywood flagship of the much buzzed-about D Pet Hotel chain retains a "chauf-fur" service offering "an array of vehicle choices" with "luxurious options such as Lamborghini, Bentley, Porsche and Audi."

↑ Billing their venture as France's first luxury hotel for pups, the founders of Actuel Dogs seem to want to have their artisanal doggie treats and eat them to. "People think we serve the dogs' food from silver platters but this is not pointless, extravagant luxury," explained one of them to Reuters. "It's not like in the United States or Japan—giving the dogs manicures, dying their fur pink—that's human madness. Our priority is to meet the dogs' needs." Canine "needs," according to Actuel, include a heated pool, a massage salon, and an a la carte menu.

↑ In addition to keeping some of the ritziest canine suites around, Pompano Beach, Fla.'s Chateau Poochie has amenities rivaling those of high-end human hotels: flat-screen televisions with films like Milo and Otis on view, "personal overnight attendants," an on-site gourmet chef, and a spa offering blueberry facials and "pawticures."

↑ The "Dog Lodges" at Munich's Canis Resort were designed by architects Helgo von Meier and Andreas Kicherer, who apparently paid "great attention to every possible aspect concerning adequate animal housing." Each comes stocked with antibacterial and hypoallergenic blankets from the Canis Resort Collection, which is a real thing.

↑ Renting for $200 a night, the two "ubersuites" at the D Pet Hotel Chelsea are leaps and bounds nicer than the average New Yorker's bedroom, with queen-sized people beds, 19-foot ceilings, and 42-inch cable-equipped TVs. The film library at the D Chelsea includes Disney's Fox and the Hound, and the 2008 classic Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

↑ Melbourne's Hanrob Pet Hotel were pioneers on the "Skype with your pet" frontier, a feature that has since become a standard offering at high-end canine hotels.

↑ The most discerning and well-heeled of man's best friends opt whenever possible for a stopover at the PawPaws Dog Hotel in Sydney, which has a spa that offers a "Deep Sea Water Massage," a "Fuyodei Mud Wrap," a "Dead Sea Salt Scrub," and "Vivid Colour Highlights."

↑ After a publicity stunt that involved joining up with luxury lifestyle website Very First To to try and sell the most expensive doggie holiday of all time—which, for around $78K, included visits to the beach, sitting for a portrait, an exercise session with a hurdle world champion, and a day with dog behavior expert Stan "The Doglistener" Rawlinson—the Paw Seasons offers English countryside vacations for dogs at storied estates in Alderton, Long Ashton, and Hawkesbury Common.