If what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, there's really no excuse to not make some unconscionable and unscalable decisions when it comes to hotel amenities and decor. Outrageously pricy suites? Like you wouldn't believe. Sex toys on the room service menu? Heck yes. 1,000-foot lazy river? For sure. Boyz II Men? Come at us. It's all included in this Vegas Strip Hotel Starter Kit, the latest in an ever-growing index of guides outlining the motifs found in alpine resorts, hipster boutique hotels, B&Bs, and sleek, modern new spots. Come, you can hear the slot machines' siren song already.
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And now, in more detail...
1. Rates starting at $29.95. Hear that? A month at Excalibur costs about a quarter of the cash required to live for a month in the average Manhattan rental. [Photo via Excalibur]
2. A 1,000-foot lazy river, like the one found in MGM Grand's "Grand Pool Complex." [Photo via MGM Grand]
3. Pony topiaries, like those in the Bellagio's conservatory. Pretty sure that here it's a seasonal thing (ponies are so autumn), but if your hotel has them year-round, then all the better. [Photo via Tasty Island Hawaii]
4. Sex toys on the room service menu. At the Hard Rock Hotel, "Peekaboo Panties" go for $16, handcuffs wrapped in rabbit fur ask $36, and "feather spankers" cost $28. Hard Rock also offers the Provocateur Suite (pictured), designed "to evoke a sexy, fetish-oriented environment." [Photo via Hard Rock Hotel]
5. Boyz II Men. They're at The Mirage. Go go go! [Photo via Getty Images]
6. Three (3) Starbucks, like the Luxor boasts. [Photo via Getty Images]
7. A sphinx, also at the Luxor. [Photo via Getty Images]
8. Chapels because—and at risk at putting too fine a point on this—if you don't come back from Vegas with an annulment, it doesn't really count. [Photo via Paris Paris]
9. An honest-to-goodness boast about having "the original popcorn ceiling," a luxury only available at Circus Circus. [Photo by James L. Davidson via Shutterstock]
10. Gondola rides! And stripe-y gondoliers! There is perhaps nothing cheesier/more requisite. [Photo via The Venetian]
11. Frescoes like whoa. Point is: never go half-assed. [Photo via Las Vegas Photo Images ]
12. A "carousel-like snack bar," like the one offered by Circus Circus. [Photo via Circus Circus]
13. More. Fountains. [Photo via Bellagio]
14. A bar made of "Canadian ice" like the one at Monte Carlo. Don't kid yourself here and go for the American ice—your patrons will know. [Photo by Yeko Photo Studio via Shutterstock]
15. Clouds on the ceiling, à la Paris Paris. [Photo by Kobby Dagan via Shutterstock]
16. A ridiculous Barbie suite, recently dubbed as one of the country's most outrageously expensive hotel rooms. In this tiny photo alone one can see a pink plastic poodle, pink ghost chairs, and—YES—a mirror made from vintage plastic dolls. Good work, The Palms. [Photo via The Palms]
17. Since we're on the topic of crazy-pants suites, an in-suite bowling alley is pretty much always a good idea ... for everyone except those staying right below it. [Photo via Oyster]
18. Gothic architecture, like those astride The Venetian's canals. [Photo by Kobby Dagan via Shutterstock]
19. Giant corn made out of many regular-sized corn. Like the ponies, this genius Bellagio staple was not long for this world, so do take the reins. [Photo via Tasty Island Hawaii]
20. "Authentic cobblestone," also found at The Venetian. [Photo by Gkordus via Shutterstock]
21. Playboy bunny iconography, spotted at The Palms' Hugh Hefner villa. [Photo via Luxedb]
22. This view. [Photo via Cosmopolitan]
23. A Statue of Liberty. [Photo by Andrew Zarivny via Shutterstock]
24. ...or an Eiffel Tower. [Photo by Bryan Busovicki via Shutterstock]
· All Starter Kits [Curbed National]
· All Hotels Week 2014 posts [Curbed National]