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Decoding the Most 'Eden-Like' Listings in the Country

Welcome to a special Outdoors Week 2014 edition of The Brokerbabble Glossary, where Curbed takes a word or phrase that shows up repeatedly in listings and deciphers its true meaning. Ideas? Hit up the tipline.

Biblical scholars have long puzzled over the location of the Garden of Eden, and as with the lion's share of mankind's completely speculative quandaries, taking this one to the real estate professionals doesn't make it any clearer. A scan of the U.S. homes currently on the market reveals that a gray-shingled East Hampton contemporary, a Coral Gables penthouse, and at least two homes with tiki bars all qualify as "Eden-like." What are the salient qualities of these modern-day Edens—aside from the prelapsarian splendor of their green spaces—and which ones among them truly deserve the golden modesty fig leaf of approval? Find out below.

↑ "Live, host, work, and unwind in one lavish setting," enjoins the listing for this turreted whitewash-brick three-bedroom in Princeton, N.J., which has multiple French doors that open to "an Eden-like garden, where grapes dangle from a pergola, water splashes into a koi pond and walls block out the rest of world." No word on whether the $975K ask also includes an angel with a flaming sword to guarding the entrance.

↑ Surf's up at Hawaii's Kauai Gardens, a vacation rental on offer for $2.45M with "Eden-esque grounds" that are "etched with hand laid stone paths and terraces, grassy knolls and dozens of extraordinary plant species set amidst the lush surroundings." Like the biblical Eden, it has Aloha and Tiki Suites.

↑ "An incomparable Eden" awaits its Adam and Eve in East Hampton on two waterfront acres "bordered by preserve and lush evergreens." Up for a reduced $4.392M, it's got "lots of room to expand" upon the 2,700-square-foot home, which was designed by "a noted East Hampton architect," but apparently not one noteworthy enough to mention by name.

↑ From the older photos available, it looks as if the Hamptons' other prelapsarian parcel, whose "landscaping is a Garden of Eden," was the recipient of a pretty recent overhaul from a designer who has partaken from the juicy, juicy, not-quite-forbidden-but-at-least-prohibitively-expensive fruit of frou-frou Hampton's chic. Rentable earlier this year for $190K a month, it's now asking $3.858M.

↑ Whoever gifted this $2.295M circa-1925 Jupiter Island home with the description of "Heaven in the Garden of Eden" can be forgiven. It was designed by high-society standby Maurice Fatio, whose hyper-luxurious Palm Beach designs really are that beautiful.

↑ Nothing about Sarasota, Fla.'s so-called "Eden on Siesta Key," currently listed for a reduced $5.495M, really earns the designation, as its McMansion styling obviously doesn't come from a time when man knew no sin (design sins included). That said, the frond-shaded, grotto-outfitted pool and the tiki bar-equipped lounge arguably stumble their way into so-bad-it's-good territory.

↑ Pay attention to the barely concealed teardown vibes of the listing when it states that the "value is clearly in this land," which, beyond "Eden-like," is "ideal for the development of one marvelous and important residence or a wonderful family compound." The glassy, circa-1952 Sarasota Modern five-bedroom included in the $2.65M ask wouldn't look half bad with the right renovation and some new furniture.

↑ Escape the D.C. grind in the "Eden-like garden" out behind this 1958 Woodley Park four-bedroom. While you're there, take the time to imagine how much prettier your $1.495M home looked before its insides were so thoroughly whitewashed.

↑ Surely a Coral Gables penthouse full of fun kitsch is someone's version of the unspoiled splendor of creation. The ask, for this "Eden in the sky"? $1.5M. · 176 Westcott Road [Sotheby's]
· 4957 Aliomanu Road [Zillow]
· Modern Gem on Exquisite Waterfront [Sotheby's]
· 19 Canal Way [Zillow]
· 3 Harmony Lane [ZIllow]
· 3935 Shell Road [Zillow]
· 1818 Roland Street [Zillow]
· 2825 31st Street [WFP]
· 700 Biltmore Way [Official Site]
· All Outdoors Week 2014 posts [Curbed National]
All Brokerbabble Glossary posts [Curbed National]