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Ask Flipped: Help! My Christmas Tree Spawned and Has Taken Over the House

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Welcome back to Ask Flipped, where we answer very real questions from readers who are having problems with home decor, design, or anything else. Do you have a question? Write it on a post-it note and throw it into a strong gust of wind. If it was meant to be, we will find the post-it and answer the question.

Dear Flipped,

I got a nice, big Christmas tree this year and really went all out, decorating it with lights, garlands, ribbons, plastic icicles, the works. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of putting it too close to one of my houseplants and they fell in love and had children. Before I had realized what was going on, those children had had children, and so forth. Now my house is filled with tiny trees that are demanding to be decorated and I am afraid to leave my bedroom.

Any advice?
Horticulture Hostage

Dear HH,

Wow. I really wish you'd come to me sooner, so that I could have warned you about the dangers of leaving plants unattended. Most people assume that Christmas trees are neutered before they're sold, but often times that's not the case. Now you're in a real pickle, and the only thing left to do is decorate them all, or surrender your home to the trees. Here's what you're going to have to do:

1) Climb out the window
Those trees are going to be angry until they're decorated, so there's no sense in facing them just yet. Make a rope out of torn up bedsheets, climb down to the street, and head over to the nearest store.

2) Buy supplies
You'll need a stand for each tree, as well a lights, some shiny bulbs, and whatever fits your preference. No need to go crazy here since you'll be decorating over a hundred trees, but also make sure to get enough ornaments to satisfy each tree.

3) Prune the trees
Just because you're decorating dozens of tiny trees that have taken over your house and intimidated you into doing your bidding, that's no excuse to do a sloppy job! Norway and blue spruces tend to sport growths that make them asymmetrical and can get in the way of the ornaments. Observe the tree from a distance to see which parts need tending to, and repeat that process for each tree.

4) String the lights
Make sure that there's an even amount of space between each coil. And, although you might be tempted here, resist the urge to try and ambush the trees by tying them together, and then beating them into submission. That is a fool's errand. The trees are too strong. Just give them what they want.

5) Hang the ornaments
This is the fun part! You can decorate each tree according to a color theme, or just hang the ornaments haphazardly for a fun "chill" look, or mix and match! It's all up to you. Also, don't look at the trees directly in the eyes.

Decorating each tree should only take about ten or eleven months, so once you're finished it'll be almost time to drag those trees out to the curb and go and buy a new Christmas tree. Enjoy it; it's the most wonderful time of the year!

Flipped