Getting stuck in an elevator is a horrific experience, but less so (one imagines) when you're Martha Stewart, because Martha Stewart can make the best of anything. Here's a list of projects that the queen of DIY probably embarked on while she was "trapped in a crowded elevator with a large group for '13 minutes'" last Thursday:
Redoing the Floors
"After Easter and Halloween, getting trapped in an elevator is one of my favorite occasions. I like to start by ripping up the ugly wall-to-wall carpeting to reveal the hardwood underneath. Then I sand the floor down with a nail file, and finish it off with a clear topcoat of nail polish from my purse. (I never go anywhere without nail polish, for this very reason!) Beautiful!"
"The next thing I need to do is deal with this harsh fluorescent lighting. Covering it with some kind of fabric will do the trick—in a pinch, I'll use the shirt off my back, but if there are other people in the elevator it makes more sense to go with the shirt off somebody else's back."
"At this point, some of the others might start to complain about the smell from the nail polish, and the fact that I stole one their shirts, and the fact that I am saying all of this out loud. I like to draw attention away from them by draping them with scarves. (Always carry a bag of scarves!)"
It's important that you take time out of your busy elevator-remodeling to just focus on yourself. I like to pace in a tight circle while repeating my mantra: 'How long have we been in this elevator?' adjusting the volume of my chanting to drown out the sounds that are coming from under all these scarves."
Clearing the Air
"The scents of sweat, fear, nail polish, and depleting oxygen might start to mingle unpleasantly after a little while, but luckily for everyone I can make a homemade odor diffuser by spraying perfume everywhere while screaming. I'll keep doing this until the building manager forces the doors open. Wow, that 13 minutes just flew by!"