The New York Post ran a brief story today about an 18-year-old who calls himself Dark.Cyanide who likes to climb to the tops of skyscrapers and take pictures with his feet dangling over the edge, which means that we can now add his pseudonym to the growing list of similarly inclined teenagers such as these ones who run around on active subway tracks playing with sparklers and this guy who snuck up to the top of One World Trade Center. We would like now to speak directly to the teens, if we may.
We heard about this thing you like to do where you climb up to the tops of really tall buildings and almost die. Apparently that's an activity that you think is fun? Here's the thing: there is no way that is actually fun. And we're not saying that to scold you, or imply that you could be using your time in a more productive or healthy way. Here—we'll prove it. Here's a list of things that are objectively more fun than climbing a skyscraper:
· doing drugs
· bullying smaller teenagers
· mouthing off to your parents
· writing graffiti (close to the ground)
· eating lots of candy laced with drugs
See? We're cool. You can trust us. Here's another list of things that are not fun at all but are still definitely way more fun than the thing that you think is fun:
· going to the dentist
· getting a math tutor
· literally anything
What are you doing out there, guys? This is such a terrible hobby that no one is even making you do.
This has been a public service announcement for Teens.