clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

What on Earth Is Happening in This San Francisco Condo Advertisement?

New, 2 comments

It is not uncommon for advertisers, rather than focusing on the product itself, to try to sell a particular lifestyle. That makes sense, and it's clearly what's going on in this promotional video for a luxury condominium development in San Francisco. What's not clear is...well, pretty much anything about what that lifestyle even is. Apparently, these are the perfect apartments for people whose idea of a big night out consists of staring out a window, going to a bar and eating some cheese, and returning home to stare off a balcony. We have tried, as best we possibly could, to piece together the plot of a night in the life of this weird, vapid couple.

0:10 — Brent sits on the couch, staring blankly at the window, waiting for Vanessssa to get ready.

0:16 — Oh, wait. Brent forgot to put on his watch and straighten his tie. Now he's ready. They're both ready. This is going to be a fun night.

0:32 — "Look, it's a clothing store." "Oh, wow."

0:38 — "This is fun, isn't it? Standing on the sidewalk?" "Ha ha." "Ha ha ha ha ha."

0:47 — Vanessssa becomes paranoid that someone is following them.

0:49 — Somehow, even though they have been walking arm-in-arm, Brent beats Vanessssa to the bar.

0:53 — Brent has spent countless hours in front of the mirror practicing the perfect Signaling The Bartender gesture. Now is his moment. Pinky and ring fingers curled, index and middle pointing ahead but bent ever so slightly. Shirt cuffs hovering two-and-a-half centimeters above the counter. Tap the counter once. Nailed it.

0:57 — Vanessssa throws another nervous glance over her shoulder. They are definitely being followed. No time for that drink; they have to get out of here. She pushes Brent in the back, trying to speed him along.

1:01 — Brent: "Why don't we just lose them by getting a table and ordering a single glass of champagne and an overpriced cheese plate?" Vanessssa: "Fine, but we both have to sit facing in the same direction." Brent: "Good plan."

1:02 — The cheese and champagne have emboldened Vanessssa. Now she doesn't care that you're following her.

1:12 — They return to the condo building, and are too busy staring at the amenity spaces to noticed that the concierge has been kidnapped.

1:43 — At the last second, Brent decides not to push Vanessssa off the balcony. A happy ending if ever there was one.