In last week's episode, the third-to-last in Mad Men's run, we came so close to seeing what kind of apartment Don Draper would settle into, thus fulfilling the great promise of the historic television series about how awesome rich peoples' houses and apartments were in 1960s New York. Then, of course, it all fell apart. That asshole misogynist guy did a weird Richard Nixon impression, there was a boring office meeting, and Don got spooked and fled west. Since there were no real estate updates in the penultimate episode, we'll have to content ourselves with an imagined conversation between Melanie, Don's real estate agent, and Meredith, his secretary.
Meredith: Hello? Don is not in right now, may I take a—
Melanie: Meredith, it's Melanie. Again. He still hasn't picked up his keys.
Meredith: Mr. Draper just stepped out for lunch, but if you'd like to leave a message I'll make sure he gets it.
Melanie: That's what you've told me every day for the past week. Where is he, really? Is he on a bender?
Meredith: I'm not worried!
Melanie: I've seen how he lives, Meredith. Patio furniture in the living room. Wine stains on the carpet. The man is a pit of despair.
Meredith: I'm sure he'll be right back any minute! Would you like to leave a—
Melanie: Look, I don't give a damn if he's coming back or not. All I want is an assurance that if that apartment is going back on the market I've got the exclusive. I'm going to buy a house in the Hamptons with all these commissions. Meredith? Meredith, what's that noise?
Meredith: Just cutting out some pictures from interior design catalogues and gluing them to a big old piece of poster board! For when Don gets back, so he'll have some choices for how to decorate!
Melanie: Meredith... how many of those posters have you made?
Meredith: Oh, let's see... one, two three, four—I don't know. It's fun!
Melanie: I just think you should be prepared for the possibility that he might not be coming back.
Meredith: Did you know I was an army brat?
Melanie: That's... great, Meredith.
Meredith [muffled]: Hello, Mr. Sterling! No, I'm not sure when he'll be back, he just stepped out for lunch. Would you like to leave a mes—oh, no. Meredith, I'll have to call you back. Mr. Sterling has commandeered my scissors and he is very drunk. Mr. Sterling!
Stay tuned for the series finale next week, in which we probably don't ever find out what happens to that apartment and we all have to write Matthew Weiner angry letters.
· Previous Mad Men Real Estate Updates [Flipped]