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Here Are 8 Modern Kitchens Trying Their Best to Blend into Castles

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Why people want to live in castles is not exactly a mystery. Castles are, objectively, the best kind of house—they're where kings and queens live, and they're great for protecting against invading hordes. Since we live in the 21st century, of course, other methods now exist for protecting against invading hordes, such as fences and 24-hour doormen, but occasionally an eccentric rich person will still employ a centuries-old aesthetic to build a modern castle (or renovate an existing one). Unfortunately, none of these rich people can fully commit, and they always insist on including anachronistic elements such as swimming pools, toilets, and electricity. It's a delicate balance for the architects and designers, and the kitchen is where it invariably all falls down, as evidenced by the kitchen pictured above, from a Massachusetts mansion that was "done in a way to evoke a 15th-century bucolic [Venetian] estate," which was just listed for $3.2 million.

Possibly to their credit, the designers of this 'Modern Medieval' on a 13-acre estate in Dublin, Ohio did something completely different with the kitchen. The only castle-y elements are the stone walls, the chairs behind the island, and, maybe, the chandeliers. We're not sure what's going on with the ceiling.

New York City's Staten Island has never been known as a bastion of good taste, and the kitchen in this "not modern" $3.5 million "creme de la creme" is no exception. Actually, this is a fairly standard kitchen for pricier Staten Island houses.

The most common, though not necessarily the most effective, route for these types of residences is to remain committed to the medieval aesthetic and then just jam in a new oven, granite countertops, cupboards, and a dishwasher, as with this condo in New Orleans.

Perhaps the most incongruous of the bunch, this kitchen in a $17.5 million Manhattan townhouse would be confusing even with the modern appliances, with its combination of stone walls, exposed brick, and white ceilings. It sort of works, though?

These kitchens from a "custom medieval home in Louisiana" are most definitely not how you do it. The rest of the house isn't much better.

Atlanta's famous "Pink Palace," built in 1926 and most recently renovated about ten years ago, tried to split the difference with the kitchen, which appears to be caught between two time periods.

Likewise, the kitchen in this bizarre co-op on Manhattan's Upper West Side makes a slight feint toward its torture dungeon-esque theme, but ultimately settles into a weird suburban-looking middle ground.

· A Sudbury Mansion Inspired by 15th-Century Venice [Boston]