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12 More Mountains We Should Rename

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President Obama recently decided to change the name of the highest mountain in the United States back to Denali from Mt. McKinley, to the delight of Alaskans (who had been calling it Denali all along) and the probably trumped up outrage of Republicans from President William McKinley's native Ohio (he never visited Alaska).

We didn't even know that renaming mountains was something that was on the table, but now that we do, we've got a few suggestions. And by "a few," we mean 12.

Garfield Peak
McKinley was assassinated six months into his second term, which is one reason that he is perhaps less well remembered than a lot of other presidents. But even less remembered than him is James A. Garfield, the 20th President of the United States, who was assassinated four months into his first term. And he was also from Ohio. And he also has a non-Ohio mountain named after him. This would be worth it just to see the tantrum those Ohio politicians would throw.

Mount Harvard, Mount Yale, and Mount Princeton
The third highest summit of the Rocky Mountains was named by an expedition of the first Harvard Mining School class in 1869. Since then, the name has encouraged various Harvard students to attempt to hike to the top and plant flags. Similarly, Mount Yale and Mount Princeton, also in the Rockies, are of roughly equivalent heights, which has spurred alumni to carry rocks to their peaks to try to make their respective mountains taller. We should rename each of these mountains after less enthusiastic colleges so that these doofuses will leave them alone.

Terrible Mountain
This name is just mean.

Mount Keith
There is no reason that this Sierra Nevada mountain should be named after your freshman-year-of-college roommate Keith, who kept using your towels and never stopped talking about ultimate frisbee.

Bald Mountain
While the name may be accurate, this Utah peak is very sensitive about its lack of trees and referring to it as "Bald Mountain" is nothing short of rude. It would prefer to be called Steven.

Baldy Mountain
This is even worse, not even taking into account that it's sometimes referred to as "Old Baldy." This mountain can't even stand to introduce itself at parties.

Dicks Butte
Self explanatory.

Big Butt Mountain
Also self explanatory.

Hairy Knob
Come on now.

Muffin Butte
Ha ha. Okay, this one can stay.