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My bathroom used to be a real dingy mess, and I had been wanting to do something about it for years. This past month, I finally got around to it and gave it an incredible makeover—I replaced the window, floors, bathtub, and shower. I even added a bidet! Now it looks great. The only problem is, the bathroom thinks it's too good for me now. Every time I go inside of it, it makes this sighing noise. When I try to lift the toilet seat up, the seat tries to not let me. And when I get water on the floor, the droplets arrange themselves to spell out "Again?" The bathroom has become a real snob. And maybe it's right. Maybe it's become too much bathroom for me. I'm not sure what to do.
Thanks in advance for your advice,
Depressed in Denver
You need to show this too-big-for-its-britches bathroom who the boss is. Of course the bathroom isn't too good for you—you created it! This bathroom wouldn't be half the bathroom it is today if it wasn't for you. And you need to remind it of that fact. Just as you giveth to the bathroom, you can taketh away. In short, you need to teach this bathroom a lesson and take it down a few notches.
I'm not going to tell you exactly what you should do, because this is a family advice column and I don't want to be inappropriate. But ask yourself this: what is the worst thing you can think of to do to a bathroom?
And then don't clean it up for a few days.
After 72 hours of that kind of degradation, the bathroom will pretty much be eating out of your hand. It might not be pretty, and it might not make you feel especially great about yourself, but by God if that bathroom doesn't respect it you, it will fear you.
Hope that helps,
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